Out on a limb

I'm writing this half as a prayer and half as record for me to remember… 

I'm sitting in a Starbucks @ LaSalle & whatever street is one up from Randolph in downtown Chicago. Trying to get the jitters out while waiting for my 4pm interview for a new job. Just writing is taking some of the edge off but dear God I’m still terrified. 

I vacillate between utter (& amazing) calm & incredible uneasiness and fret. God, I know you've got my back (& front & everything else) but why am I so frightened? Do I not trust my skills or abilities? Do I not trust You? Do I not really want to be here? Am I afraid that this is where You'll "put" me? 

Maybe that’s it. In my heart of hearts I think I really want to be in NY, w/ family, working to be the best network guy I can while still working w/ kids. Like Steve said, "I have to decide if I REALLY want to come back to NY". 

Please God, slow my heart & mind-& help me just to be me. Thank you for loving me no matter what. I just wish the center of Your will wasn't such a dangerous place to be.

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