Just the roadie...

"cerami..."

2010-12-23T23:44:00.000-05:00

I've had a hard time with the holidays this year. For a lot of reasons that don't need to be addressed here, it's just been tough to get in the holiday spirit of things. I can't get motivated to decorate, or even pull decorations down from the attic. It just isn't happening. Even now, I look at the bare tree in the corner of the room with the bundle of lights sitting in the chair next to it. The few boxes of ornaments I have also sit next to the lights, still unboxed. I know it's Christmas Eve but I still just stare at that bare tree and wonder, "Why?"

I just haven't been able to get in the spirit of the season this year... but my friend Rhandi shared a story with me that she and her husband, Mark just experienced that may help. It seems they were at the Dollar Tree picking up some Christmas tins when they spotted a tiny young boy, about seven years old. He was just standing in the main aisle looking around the store, obviously intent on finding one certain item.

He was completely by himself with no adult around or with him. Rhandi, wanting to help, stopped to talk to him. He asked her, "Where are the cerami...", his voice trailing off as he looked for the right word. Rhandi, with her loving heart, asked him "Do you mean the saran wrap or the ceramics"? Again, he struggled and said, "Cerami..." and his voice trailed off again. Rhandi pointed him in the direction of where she thought any ceramics might be and off this slight little thing went in a determined search.

When Mark and Rhandi got up to the counter to pay for their things, he was right in front of them with his single item. He pulled out his crumpled dollar bill completely waded up with three quarters in it. He was undoubtedly buying this little ceramic figurine for someone very special for Christmas. It was all the money he had and he gave it all to offer someone he loved something that meant everything to him.

He took his three pennies in change and went on his way, but it warmed the hearts of Mark and Rhandi as they just beamed at each other like they were his proud parents. It would have been so easy to ask him more about his gift, or just stop and give him the biggest hug, yet Rhandi chose to say a little prayer for him - that his heart would stay sweet as he grew into a young man and that the Lord would protect him throughout his life.

Their story makes me wonder if God is beaming when he sees us giving to others - and if we truly are willing to give to others to the degree that this little boy was giving to someone special in his life? Are we - am I - willing to give everything to those around me even if I don't even get three cents in return?

Christ gave everything when He came to earth. He sacrificed all and came emptying Himself of the royalty of the throne in heaven in order to come to us in the weakest, most vulnerable form imaginable - that of a newborn child. I can't help but think God was beaming when Christ was born to Mary, knowing His most precious gift had been given to those He loved the most.

That is the image I'll hold in my heart the next few days... I pray I love those around me more and I am more willing than ever to truly give no matter what hurt, pain, or sorrow I may potentially encounter. The end result will hopefully be God in His heaven beaming because I loved and gave to the degree that makes Him proudest.

I doubt I'll get that tree decorated or the lights up any time soon. But I pray my heart is in a better place because of that story of a small ceramic figurine and the heart of a small boy that knew the true value of a gift given with every ounce of his heart... & I guarantee I won't look at the little ceramic nativity piece my niece gave me a couple years ago the same way ever again...

Yum...

2010-11-06T23:17:00.000-05:00

I was informed the NaBloPoMo topic for Saturday, November 6th is "Your guilty pleasure".

hmmm... that would be Garbage Plates... hands down...

(with Mac and Beans, of course)... LOL!

The AARP Is Stalking Me...

2010-11-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

I was informed NaBloPoMo's "topic for Friday, Nov. 5 is: 35 things I want to do before I am 35" and I should feel free to "adjust as needed to fit your age"... ummm... I'm old - and I'll be adding another year to the catacombs in both mind and body in a couple days, LOL! For me to to have "x" number of things to do before I'm "x" means I'd have to accomplish something every hour between now and this year's actual birthday. I think I get the pass this year (since I'm so close to the yearly milestone (or is that millstone?)!!

My biggest accomplishments for the foreseeable future involve renewing my drivers license (with one the black helicopters can use to track me), getting a new phone (leaning toward a Droid X - any thoughts or opinions?), buying a car that will last longer than the quickly declining "Blue Whale" (that 98 Venture ain't what she used to be), and getting a new mattress to replace the version of the lumpy beast I firmly believe sent my back into chiropractor's heaven a couple weeks ago.

Then again, there are the leaves to rake up... MAN, are there leaves to rake up!!

Instead, I recommend reading through a friend's blog (http://susans-abundantlife.blogspot.com) where she spent this past year doing her "40 before 40" adventure that is an amazing journey of pain, growth, sadness, joy, and some pretty incredible insight. Feel free to enjoy her journey as mine only involves depleting my meager bank account... but at least it may allow me to rest my aching back on a good mattress after raking up all those leaves!

NaBloPoMo 2010

2010-11-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

Yep... you read right... NaBloPoMo. That's National Blog Posting Month. Didn't even know the thing existed but my wonderful friend, Marlana let me know about it and invited me to join with her friends to blog every day for the month of November. Yikes! EVERY day? If you have read any of my earlier posts, you'll know I go in spurts - with LONG periods of silence and dry spells at times. This is going to be interesting - and tough!

I better get started by catching up with the all of the daily topics so far this month. Here's my quick run down - slash - summary so far:

(Nov1) I have no idea what my calling in life is or was. I thought I knew at one time but life got in the way. I heard a saying long ago that I've kept close to my heart... "I have spent my life stringing and unstringing my instrument, but the song remains unsung." I've loved my life and the people in it (good and bad) but always wondered if I missed something out of selfishness or just not being aware of what was passing me by...

(Nov2) If I opened a restaurant it would be closed in a week as I have no clue how to run one! I can sell hot dogs as a street vendor and sold lemonade as a kid but I'd be clueless as a restaurant owner (and besides, guys like Gordon Ramsey kinda scare the bejezzus out of me).

(Nov3) I really wish I could be more like the amazing people I call friends. They challenge me to love deeper, live stronger, and dream bigger every day. I can never thank God enough for some of the amazing people I've been blessed to call friends and family. My life would NOT be the same without each and every one of them contributing a piece of their heart to make mine full and complete.

...and for today, (Nov4), "my life predictions for 2011"... I'm still working on 2010 and all that it holds... guess I better hurry since it's almost over! My biggest prediction? My nachos will be done in 3... 2... 1... >ding!< Hey, I got one right!!

Who knows... maybe this will be good for me. I'll let y'all decide... ;^)

What's it like?

2010-07-10T00:24:00.000-05:00

What's it like?

...to know the touch of a hand that holds onto yours gently for support & concern even when the grip may not be that strong or that hand trembles in fear of failure or rejection?

...to look every day into the eyes of one who can't bear to be apart from you for any length of time - even though they can see deep into the darkest corners of your soul, they still refuse to look away because they believe in the very best that you are and can see the wonders of life reflected back through your eyes?

...to give your heart in guarded optimism completely to another only to have them nurture your hopes & encourage your dreams and in turn guard and protect that heart like the priceless treasure it truly is?

...to nurture, encourage, empower, and pour your existence into building the life of a child from before it is born until they draw their very last breath - sometimes too soon - wrenching your heart from your chest?

...to wake up each day next to someone who believes in the most amazing parts of who you are - and isn't bothered by the parts that may not seem as amazing because they learned the best parts far outweigh any of the others?

What's it like... to know love?

Dude... really?

2010-04-27T22:31:00.004-05:00

Brennan Manning and I just don't see things the same way sometimes. He tends toward the pretty bells and butterflies where I tend toward the darker side of life. Maybe it's how he sees life and maybe it's because I always look for the redemptive story. I'm always rooting for the underdog and pulling for the triumph of the down-trodden and forgotten. That's why I love the stories of the prodigal son, Peter, Paul, and Mary in the bible (sorry - had to do it).

Brennan Manning attributes the story where the woman weeps on Jesus feet, dries His feet with her hair, and pours oil on his feet in Luke 7 to Mary Magdalene. Whether it is her or not, Manning feels she was drawn to Jesus and her act of adoration by "the beauty and compassion of this magnetic man"... He imagined that "His eyes called out to her: Mary, come to me".

Okay, I'm sorry, but that doesn't cut it for me. Too fluffy and near romance novel level for my tastes... LOL! It just seems silly - but remember, these thoughts are just MY thoughts (nothing more) and a way for me to get back in touch with some missing chunks in my life the only way I know how. (also, the woman was behind Jesus (verse 38) doing this so I don't think there was a lot of initial eye contact but that's just my take).

What I DEFINITELY take from this is that the woman DID know what state her life was in and DID NOT hesitate to go find Jesus. Her life was pretty wretched from the description in the bible and when she heard Jesus was nearby, she went and got this vial of perfume and didn't hesitate to go search out Jesus.

She didn't get a lot of props from Simon the pharisee. But it didn't matter. She came as she was, all the crud in her life, all the hassle and insults she no doubt received, she came to Jesus. And she wept on His feet and dried those tears with her hair! Dude... really? I would have been freaking out telling her, "Look lady, that's nice and all but you are embarrassing the both of us. Please get up and let's get you cleaned up".

Not Jesus... When Simon pulled the "Dude... really?" line, Jesus told him a story of forgiveness and told Simon, you didn't give me a way to wash my feet, greet me with the traditional kiss, or anoint my head with fragrant oil when I came to your house, yet this woman hasn't stopped doing that since I walked in!

This woman knew forgiveness - and knew where it came from. I figure she was pretty bad off in her reputation yet she came running to the only one she knew could help her get her act together. No cleaning up her act first, no pride, nothing. She came with all her fears and insecurities and said, Jesus - YOU have to straighten this out - I'm a wreck!

And the amazing thing is Jesus did just that. She knew the depth of where she was and showed immense gratitude for what she knew Jesus could do. "Your faith has saved you" Jesus said to her. Some of the most powerful words along with His other phrase to her, "you are forgiven".
So why do we wait to come to the only source of real forgiveness? Why do we think WE have to get cleaned up and presentable first before God will accept us? I don't know... but I do know God is waiting for anyone willing to come and journey through life with Him.

I gave up trying to be "pretty" a long time ago. I'm still a pretty grungy christian at times. But I know the only One that will eventually make me as as clean as He needs me to be... and man, I am grateful!

Strawberries

2010-04-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

I'm reading now through the Spiritual Retreat at the end of Brennan Manning's, "The Ragamuffin Gospel". Today's entry deals with being in the here and now. Living in the only time we can affect. We can't change the past or the future so Brennan Manning talks about seizing the gift of the moment God provides for us.

Admittedly, his example was kind of lost on me. It seemed just silly but I understood his point. I just know I won't be chased by a tiger toward a cliff, where with no where to go, I spot a rope, climb to "safety" from the tiger, while the jagged cliffs loom below, the tiger waiting for me above and hungry mice chewing through the rope... but then I spot and eat the most delicious strawberry growing out the side of the cliff.

I get his point, God gives us the now. Live for what God gives us. Don't live in the past or future. Don't worry about the past or the future but look for what God is providing for you right now. There is (and will continue to be) so much swirling around and seemingly strangling my life and the lives of so many of those I care about, yet I have to look for my "strawberries".

Yes... I get it and thought the example was silly but I put it into action tonight. Instead of running around in my crazy nightly routine, I stopped, thought about it, and took a chance on connecting with a new friend on the phone. By trying to live in the moment tonight I was able to laugh and enjoy a wonderful time and connection over a phone call where I didn't even expect to find that "strawberry" growing. Maybe I CAN learn to live in the moments God provides after all...

Psalm 139 talks about how God knows all now and to come and has known all that has gone before. It speaks to the fact that God knew every inch, fiber, muscle, nerve, and brain cell of ours LONG before we were ever born! I can't help but trust in a God that has that level of knowledge and interest in my life. I can't help but trust Him with my "now".

I get it... I don't always understand it, but with a God that knows me that well, I can afford to believe it and look for a few more strawberries...

Day Zero

2010-04-25T21:41:00.000-05:00

Today I tried to start making changes. No Twitter, limited Facebook, email or texting, and a lot of quiet. I really enjoyed the quiet. It was a rainy day (drizzle - spit - on again - off again) so that kept noise and traffic down on the street which also helped with the noise.

It was nice while reading to not have distractions. Even now, in the evening quiet I can hear the gentle rain on the awning over the front porch; and in a lot of ways it is incredibly soothing. I'm WAY too easily distracted and not the fastest reader so concentration is pretty important. That's another reason I want to try to "Disengage... Reengage..." for a while. I just need to refocus on some important things.

I've decided to work with the spiritual retreat at the end of The Ragamuffin Gospel. There are only nineteen entries yet I think I can actually do this for almost three weeks. There may be days or entries skipped or combined. We'll have to see.

Toward the end of The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning comes back to the aspect of grace, and how vital grace is to our worth and understanding of God's love for us. God gave everything to win us back and His Son is a constant reminder of that.

Simon Peter and Mary Magdalene are two amazing examples of understanding God's grace. Mary knew first hand the love and forgiveness of Jesus. Her life before she met Him was full of "looking for love in all the wrong places". She KNEW the grace and forgiveness of Christ and never questioned its reality. She was at His feet, at the cross, at the tomb, and with others as Christ appeared to them after He rose from the dead. She knew grace...

Simon Peter walked with Christ nearly every day for the majority of His time teaching and meeting the needs of those around Him. He fell asleep instead of praying, took a wild swing to "protect" Jesus in the garden (which Jesus promptly corrected), cursed His name and denied he even KNEW him as Christ was being brought up on false charges. Yet Mary was told to "go tell the others, AND Peter" that Christ was no longer dead. Peter knew grace, and was able to see Christ go back to heaven on our behalf.

"Long prayers and big words do not suit ragamuffins" writes Manning. Those living by grace and expectant of future grace tend to live by the prayer, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner" (Luke 18:13). Being open to God's grace, and living in it every day, is an act of humbleness and anticipation.

I love the way my friend prays. She prays with an openness and anticipation. Whenever she prays, she lays her palms open and face up in her lap. We've talked about it and it is partially in anticipation of receiving from God, and partially in an attitude of not holding anything from God. In essence, because she knows the gift of grace, she wants to hold nothing from God and receive fully from Him when she talks to Him.

This is an amazing attitude that I have tried to adopt a when I talk to God. It's difficult because there are sometimes too many crooks and crevices where I just don't want God to look. By closing my hands (and heart) to God, I only lose out on what He has for me. I will never fully receive from God unless I open my hands completely to allow Him to pour into my life.

That's my prayer during this time. To really accept and understand God's overwhelming grace. To do so I have to have open hands and an open heart.

I will never have one without the other...

Disengage... Reengage...

2010-04-24T11:55:00.011-05:00

Every so often I get consumed by all of the technology around me. I need to be connected and embedded (to a certain degree) because of my job. But too many times I am tied to technology when I don't have to be. This also becomes a convenient way to avoid the things that need to be a priority in my life. It's just too easy to have technology so close at hand.

After working on the lawn today, I walked down to the diner for breakfast. I left the phone (my connection to the internet, Facebook, Twitter, email, texts, etc.) at home. The phone needed a good charge anyway. It was amazing how much more I paid attention to my neighbors, my street, traffic(!), and everyone at the diner. It was great to hear about one of my favorite waitresses victories with working out, losing weight, and stopping smoking. It was incredibly freeing to disengage and reengage.

One of my friends just came back from working on a medical mission overseas and is having trouble with reentry to life here in some areas. Another has been there in the past and even more are there now with a team of medical specialists. Another is heading back overseas very soon to help with orphanages and simple survival needs (i.e. clean water(!)) for at least his fifth time! To disengage from a high level of ever consuming technology and go be a part of life changing events is incredibly powerful.

All of this started me thinking on the way home why I don't do this more often. Talked to God for a while about it and think it is time to attempt a true "disengage... reengage..." on a grander scale - at least for a week or two.

For at least a week, I am going to turn Facebook and Twitter notifications off. I'll still have to be on Twitter for my security research (@PCSecurityGuy) but need to step back from the encompassing "boa constriction" that technology has had on me. I'll check into Facebook, Twitter, email, and texts maybe once a day. The phone and TV will go off more and will be left behind in an attempt to reconnect with the world around me. Still need to answer direct emails and texts but as a whole... it's time to walk away for a bit and find the rest of the world I've started to become numb to... it should be an interesting learning experience.

Two books have sat next to the bed for way too long. Brennan Manning's, "The Ragamuffin Gospel", and "Soul Cravings" by Erwin McManus. Both of these are too rich in content for one reading but contain portions much easier digested in small bites. Ragamuffin Gospel contains a spiritual retreat chapter that I am simply going to read, meditate, and comment on as I attempt this whole disengage.

As they say, stayed tuned for further announcements... and pray for me.

This ain't easy for an ubergeek...

See... Speak... Serve...

2010-01-31T13:04:00.001-05:00

It's 2010 and what have I done with my year so far? Not much... seriously...

The devastation of the earthquake in Haiti has gotten to my heart more than I thought it would. I have friends who grew up there. I have friends that have served in the medical field there. I support Compassion International and their immense work throughout the country.

But Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church in Seattle has been there. He has stories from ground zero. He has met those devastated by this tragedy and horrible situation that will only get so much worse before it will ever get better.

Pastor Mark shared in the video below as much as he could about what he found while there. His impassioned plea to see, speak, and share really made me think and move to action. As Christ shared in Acts 1:8, we are to go to all parts of the world with His truth. We need to see the goodness of God and the needs of the world. We need to speak the goodness of God and the needs of the world. We need to serve the goodness of God and the needs of the world.

The video below is from Pastor Mark's recent teaching after returning from Haiti. It is at times visually piercing and devastating and needs to be seen by so many more people than it has been. I pray you can take the time to view it in it's entirety, let it sink in, and help wherever and however you can possibly help. As one who strives to follow Christ in my life, I can't help but get involved.

See... Speak... Serve... I need to do just that... now, more than ever before.

"So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, especially to those who are of the household of faith." - Galatians 6:10

Fight Inside

2009-09-08T19:34:00.005-05:00

These are not my words, but they are my heart tonight...
And I confess... I am a weak and broken man...

Enemy - Familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth - Whispering lies
And it hurts again

What I fear - And what I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain - I want it to end
But I want it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again

Still the same - Pursuing pain
Is it worth all I have gained
We both know - How this will end
But I do it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again

And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's nothing (It's everything)
It's nothing (It's everything)

It's breaking me
It's breaking me

I'm falling apart
I'm falling apart

- From Red's 2008 release, "Innocence & Instinct"

I am the "Validator"... or at least I was...

2009-06-13T12:27:00.009-05:00

Man... sometimes people I really care about can cause me to sit up and think about things in ways I haven't before. A wonderful friend asked about a comment she made on a video she had viewed. I had missed the video and the comment as it is one of the joys of doing most of my online work via my cell phone... you really lose the ability to see a lot of content at times...

Anyway, I checked out the video and at first thought, "Oh crap! Is that how I come across to people??" Since I am a generally positive guy who tends to try and encourage others... I started to worry (and I'm glad the movie is 16 minutes long - it's worth it, really)!

As the short story unfolds, I felt a lot better. I hope I'm right in thinking my motivation is not one of self validation (that I'm aware of, but y'all better let me know)! It's just a sweet approach to an idea Michael Hyatt addresses in a great way on his blog post. It's definitely something worth all of us doing a little introspective thinking about!

So... without further hesitation, I present... Validation:

Doing The Happy Dance

2009-06-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

I'm celebrating a big victory with a dear friend today! Sharla is an angel in my life that has lived through an amazing yet difficult journey since her husband was murdered in the attack on the USS Cole in October of 2000. Part of her writing and remembrance can be found by clicking here.

There has been a major resolution to some things in her life allowing Sharla and her boys a much more promising future! It has been horribly hard at times yet God is faithful and triumphant in the end!

So thank you ALL for "joining in the dance" and celebrating as she moves forward with the life and gifts God has given her!

True Encouragement...

2009-05-13T16:37:00.006-05:00

"Overheard" in a great blog post today...
"You're not like the other kids... you're MY kid!"

How many times does God yell that to encourage me
without me even listening - or believing?!

May my heart listen to the reality that I AM God's chosen kid...

My Goodness...

2009-04-08T10:52:00.003-05:00

Where have I been? Good question... It's the Easter season and the sun and flowers are out... Wait, that was last week! This week it's snowing and ugly out again. I put that snow shovel away with intent and purpose! I am determined NOT to pull THAT thing out anytime soon... unless this snow doesn't melt swiftly!

Biggest amount of my productive time has been spent dealing with the new house I closed on this year. Gotta get that $8k tax credit in play NOW! 8^) Unproductive time suckage has been consumed by Twitter and Facebook (but it IS cool to find so many old AND new friends there)!!

Will write more VERY soon (honest) but wanted there to be at least a blip on the radar for this blog so y'all know I still exist!

Here's lookin' at you, kid...

What Matters Most...

2009-01-07T09:58:00.008-05:00

"You are just as valuable as any other person on planet Earth."

I have been following a lot of blogs lately. Some of the best reading I've found is with one of my new favorite people on the planet, AlisonL, and her 300sixtyfive project. Amazing insight that continues to make me think over and over about what is truly important in life.

I know I may never meet Alison in person but I have no doubt I would have to give her a pretty massive hug and thank you for her part in helping me focus again on some of the things that need to be more important and a priority in life.

If you have a minute, head over to her blog and read a few entries. This latest one brought a tear to my eye. Okay, those that know me know I'm a big marshmallow anyway, but as Popeye so clearly dictates, "I yam what I yam"! I wish I could remember who stated in part that no man is greater than one that reaches to help a child but this story restores some of that faith for me.

Here's to hoping I can have anywhere near this affect on those I journey with and in the lives of the paths that I cross. Thanks again, Alison...

I'm Sensing A Disturbance In The Force...

2008-12-13T11:36:00.010-05:00

Actually, I'm realizing I do not post here enough... and the last few have maintained a "theme" of sorts... I have to get out soon and see some of the movies in "contention" this year (Doubt, The Wrestler, etc.). Seeing I am such a friggin' geek / dork / dweeb (depends on your definition of terms), I have to present the one movie I will be in line for in February...

Yeehaw!!

I Can Has Cookie??

2008-10-16T13:57:00.006-05:00

Brian is very happy to work on www.jazz901.org's email problems any time at all... ("they has yummy cookies" and play even "yummier" jazz)!!

I love this kid...

2008-09-07T21:33:00.007-05:00

Dalton Sherman gave this keynote address before the educational "forces" gathered in Dallas for their back-to-school event last week.

I think I would have given him a standing o, too!

Rock on, Dalton, rock on...

http://www.dallasisd.org/keynote.htm

Cool NoiseTrade Tunes!

2008-08-05T20:03:00.003-05:00

Gotta tell ya, since my buddy, Shane turned me onto this site, I check it all the time for new music and artists - and I have yet to be disappointed! I think you can either click on the widget below or go straight to the site via this link. It is definitely worth your time! I started with Derek Webb and Sixpence None The Richer's latest releases and haven't looked back!

Irena Sendler passed away in May

2008-08-02T11:34:00.007-05:00

I've always had a heart for the Jewish people and an interest in the Holocaust. I've recently found more articles about a Polish Holocaust survivor I've followed. The story of Irena Sendler grabbed my full attention from the moment I first read about her.

During WWII, Irena (a Polish citizen) was able to secure work in the Warsaw Ghetto. She joined the organized resistance of Zegota in order to rescue children from the Nazi's. As an employee of the Social Welfare Department, she had a special permit to enter the Warsaw Ghetto, to check for signs of typhus. Under the pretext of conducting inspections of sanitary conditions, Sendler visited the ghetto and smuggled out babies and small children in ambulances and trams, sometimes disguising them as packages and even smuggling them out in tool boxes.

As early as 1939, when the Germans invaded Poland, she began helping Jews by offering them food and shelter. Irena and her helpers created over 3,000 false documents to help Jewish families before ever joining Zegota. She hid lists of the children's names in jars, in order to keep track of their original and new identities. After the war, she dug up the jars containing the children's identities and began an attempt to find the children and return them to living parents. However, almost all the children's parents had died at the Treblinka extermination camp. The children she was able to help were placed into foster family homes or adopted.

When she was eventually caught by the Gestapo, she was severely tortured, and sentenced to death. The Zegota was able to bribe the Nazis and save her life yet she was left for dead in the woods, unconscious and with broken arms and legs. She recovered but was forced into living in hiding for the rest of the war.

The movie, Schindler's List, was made about Oskar Schindler who rescued approximately 1,000 lives via work in his factory. Both Oskar and Irena stated they were no heroes and were still haunted by the lives they could not save. Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected...

Al Gore won, for his slide show on "global warming".

I, for one, feel he should promptly return the prize.

I'm Sorry, I Can't Help Myself...

2008-07-29T21:31:00.002-05:00

Joss Whedon was recently at it again. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog was "released" via the internet earlier this month on the site below. If you missed it, you REALLY missed it. Thankfully, you can find it right here and enjoy the (PG-13(!)) wonderful-ness... >spleee!>

Please Remember Greg Laurie's Family

2008-07-25T19:26:00.004-05:00

Calvary Chapel Ministries have had a huge impact on my story and journey with Christ. Pastor Chuck (Smith) and his teaching in the late 70's transformed a lot of my thinking about Jesus. One of my all time favorite artist(s), Terry Taylor (Daniel Amos, Da, Swirling Eddies, etc.), came out of Chuck's church (along with a lot of other amazing artists). An incredible number of lives have been transformed by the realization and acceptance of who and what Jesus is through the teaching and leadership of Calvary Chapel Ministries and it's churches (Raul Ries, Greg Laurie, Bob Coy, (it's an endless list)).

There is an immense sadness in my heart today as I share that Greg Laurie's 33 year old son, Christopher, was killed in a car accident early on the morning of July 24th (yesterday as I write this). I know prayers are needed for Christopher's family (he has one daughter, Stella, and his wife Brittany is due in November with another child). Prayer is definitely needed for Christopher's parents Greg and Kathy, and his brother Jonathan.

Greg Laurie shares some thoughts on his blog and if you have been affected, influenced, or changed by the teaching or music of Calvary Chapel at all, I ask you take a moment to pray for the Laurie family. Christopher is home in a place we all long to be yet the heartache and loss for those left here on earth will remain for quite a while.

Thank you for taking the time to show your love and support.

Giving it up...

2008-06-14T11:47:00.005-05:00

My brother and sister-in-law shared this link with me. It is VERY powerful. Please take the time to view it and consider the depth of what will truly happen with our full surrender. I wish they had just left it alone with what God can do but I understand their point when it comes to the resources God has given us. It's not lost on me, however, how much God WILL do when we surrender it all to Him... I'm still so far away but am working on losing it (my control) more every day...

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T20:15:00.004-05:00

Hi all (yeah, the two of you that actually read my drivel)!

Previously I've shared the wonderful story of Nathan, Tricia, (and of course, Gwyneth Rose). I'll include a short refresher of their story from Nathan's website:

"My name is Nathan. My wife, Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and had been preparing for a double lung transplant until we discovered we were pregnant. Tricia is the most incredible person I've ever met. She keeps me humble and in love. Gwyneth is our beautiful, new, baby girl, born 15+ weeks early. Tricia is now breathing with the help of donated lungs, and Gwyneth is on her way out of the NICU and into our hearts."

Today, Nathan shared another wonderful video set to one of my favorite Plumb songs, "In My Arms". It is in tribute to Mother's Day and how his wife and daughter have changed his life forever.

Please check out their website and story (and have the tissues ready). I'm reminded of how much mothers contribute to the lives of their children and help shape them to be what they were meant to be.

As I watched the video on Nathan's site, I was reminded I need to express my love and thanks to my own mom for what she has been, is, and will always be to me. God has used her in an immense way to guide me to where I am in my life and through what God has led me to be.

To merely say "thanks" will never be enough. To live the example she has lived out before me is the only way I know to truly let her know I love her...

In My Other Life...

2008-04-19T11:03:00.006-05:00

Somehow I recently came by this website. I took the test and this is who I would be as a D&D character. Yes, I admit (rather freely) I had a lot of fun with this stuff "back in the day". Don't think I turned out as a warped member of society (D&D or "real" life) from it either... Curious to see who/what you might be? Click here to find out!

You are a Lawful Good Human /Cleric (3rd/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-15
Dexterity-13
Constitution-15
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-16
Charisma-13

Alignment:

Lawful - Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:

Monks are versatile warriors skilled at fighting without weapons or armor. Good-aligned monks serve as protectors of the people, while evil monks make ideal spies and assassins. Though they don't cast spells, monks channel a subtle energy, called ki. This energy allows them to perform amazing feats, such as healing themselves, catching arrows in flight, and dodging blows with lightning speed. Their mundane and ki-based abilities grow with experience, granting them more power over themselves and their environment. Monks suffer unique penalties to their abilities if they wear armor, as doing so violates their rigid oath. A monk wearing armor loses their Wisdom and level based armor class bonuses, their movement speed, and their additional unarmed attacks per round.

Secondary Class:

Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Just Wondering

2008-04-01T18:00:00.008-05:00

Wondering what this stack 'o' reading says about me, that is... I've been trying to whittle it down and realized I have a LONG way to go! I look over the pile and am a bit frightened by how much it really says about who I am... anyone willing to weigh in with a comment?! (Yeah, I know I'm leaving myself w-i-d-e open...)

Paid in Full

2008-03-23T12:20:00.003-05:00

I needed a lift

2008-03-03T19:57:00.004-05:00

With the loss of another amazing artist (Larry Norman), I was going into a bit of a funk over those that have passed on that have had a pretty big impact on my life. Luckily, I also have artists and friends on the OTHER end of the age scale that are just as amazing and are tearing it up lately, wherever they play.

Maron is one of these amazing people. I watched her grow up while living in Chicago. Hung out with her amazing family at shows, at the house, at coffeehouse(s), etc. I absolutely love her family, JPUSA (where she now lives), and what she has allowed God to do through her.

This video (from a couple years ago) is SMOKIN' and they just about blow the roof off Cup 'o' Joy in Wisconsin with this number. I'm pretty sure you'll love it, too (man, I miss these guys)!

Totally Bummed

2008-02-25T21:49:00.003-05:00

Man, more and more of "my people" are going home lately. I've lost another one with Larry Norman yesterday... >sigh< Two videos for your consideration...

First, from the earlier days...

And finally, from one of his last shows (with Mike Roe of the 77's)

Starving Jesus?

2008-02-19T22:35:00.003-05:00

(I know I am...)

An Amazing Story

2008-02-02T11:58:00.000-05:00

Hey all - I don't link to many other blogs but this is one that I had to. I just realized that I have been praying for these guys for a while but have been very negligent in passing the story on and asking for prayer for the family.

Basically, "Confessions Of A CF Husband" is the blog of Nathan and Tricia. The blog was started as a journal of the incredible adventure Tricia has had with cystic fibrosis for most of her life. She has been in need of a double lung transplant for quite a while and Nathan has been chronicling the ride since Labor Day weekend last year.

Understandably, the blog had been about Tricia and everything involved with her journey with CF. Then the unbelievable happened. Tricia became pregnant. With everything else involved, their beautiful daughter, Gwyneth Rose was born 15+ weeks early. She has been a fighter from the word "go".

There is NO way I can put into words how moved I am by their story. A family of faith, there is no doubt their limits of that faith have been stretched in immeasurable ways. Just the thought of the video of Nathan holding Gwyneth (set to Matthew West's, "Safe and Sound") is enough to get me weepy (being the "emotional rock" that I am).

As of today, Gwyneth is being considered for movement out of the NCIU and Tricia may be able to get on the transplant list by February 4th! I encourage you to check out their blog and more importantly, keep them in your prayers.

In reality, they have been more of an encouragement to me than I doubt I will ever be to them...

I'm really thankful... but I need some help...

2008-01-24T22:22:00.000-05:00

Yup... I'm really thankful... for the writer's strike.

At first I was pretty bummed because (for once) there were a few intelligently written shows that popped up on the Fall TV schedule. Most have run their course and now the "mid-season replacements", reruns, and reality "frap fest" has taken over.

That's where I need your help. Between sales, birthdays, Christmas, and general "gifting", I have some reading I need to complete. And I need recommendations. You won't be able to tell me whether I should read my copies of Windows Forensics, Incident Response, IIS6 Administration, or Macromedia Studio 8 as I have to get through all of those for what is defined as "work".

Nope, I need some cranial stimulation via my other unread gems. These include:

Spy (Ted Bell)
Quiet Strength (Tony Dungy)
Stories of Emergence (Mike Yaconelli) ( may he rest in peace)
Confessions of a Reformission Rev. (Mark Driscoll)
God Is Closer Than You Think (John Ortberg)
There Is A God (Antony Flew)
An Ordinary Man (Paul Rusesabagina)
Everything Must Change (Brian McLaren)
Me, Myself, & Bob (Phil Vischer)
When I Don't Desire God (John Piper)
The Radical Reformission (Mark Driscoll)
The Lamb And The Fuhrer (Ravi Zacharias)

Anyone have some recommendations of "must reads" or which I should work through first? Looking over the list it really says a lot about my current mindset, doesn't it?

I also need to work through a couple DVD's and some tunes (most are guilty pleasures but the list of eye and ear candy includes:

DVDs
Everything Is Spiritual (Rob Bell) (this was amazing in a quick first view)
Jesus Camp - documentary about a "christian summer religious camp"
Maxed Out - documentary I should memorize about the evils of credit
Looney Tunes Spotlight Collection (guilty pleasure)
Pixar Short Films Collection (see above)
Veggie Tales - The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's (see above again)

CDs
Disciple - Scars Remain
Thousand Foot Krutch - The Flame In All Of Us
David Crowder Band - Remedy
Emery - I'm Only A Man
Leigh Nash - Blue On Blue
The Glorious Unseen - Tonight The Stars Speak
DecemberRadio - DecemberRadio
Dave Beegle - Acoustic Mayhem (waiting for delivery)

Man - I've got a lot of work ahead of me...

Holiday House Videos

2008-01-03T20:38:00.000-05:00

Here are both of the holiday house light display videos that I took here in Rochester. The creator had to go back out on tour with Blue Man Group (did you know there are four BMGs?!) but I wanted to include both videos here. Enjoy!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

2007-12-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

Wow, we went from freezing winds two days ago (when I shot the video at the end of this post), to pouring rains and 53 degree temps last night, to blowing and drifting snow in the 20's today. Welcome to Rochester, NY!

I just wanted to drop in and wish everyone an amazing holiday season and especially a wonderful Christmas. This season gets torn apart from every side every year and it's such a sad situation when it does. For me, I really have nothing if I don't have Jesus in my life and I am so thankful for this time of year when I can celebrate all the friends (hopefully some of you reading this) and family (not sure if they ever get to this blog) God's given me and just the opportunity I have every day to let others know about this journey, this adventure, that God is taking me through.

Not always happy, not always pleasant, but God is always present as I work toward what He wants me to be. He's the only one I've found worth trusting and hanging on to because He has always be there.

Hope you enjoy the attached video. I shot it near the house where I grew up but have no clue how to edit videos for the web. It's funny though, the creator of the display is usually out on tour (just came off tour with Blue Man Group and has to go back out on January 2nd). This is his parent's house (whom my sister and brother-in-law both know). Turns out the creator does a lot of lighting work every holiday season and this is the first year he has done his parent's house with added music.

We talked while I was taking the video (in the frigid winds). "I went to Radio Shack, bought a $50 radio transmitter kit and built it. Then I sat in my mom's car with a space heater while trying to program the whole thing!" Of course, the only way I could get the video was by parking facing away from the house in the neighbor's driveway, opening the back door of the van, cranking the broadcast and standing there with my little Canon attached to a monopod while I froze. I HAVE to ask Joe (from work, who ALSO knows him) what his website is again as I forgot it by the time I got into the car to warm up!

I liked the lady that walks by, too. She stopped to ask where 464 Heritage was as there was a surprise birthday party there that night. Guess which house? Yup! That's her waving (in amazing sync with the song lyrics) from the porch near the end of the video.

Hope you enjoy the video but more, I hope you think about what Christmas really means and look into the reality of who Jesus is and what He is willing to do in your life if you let Him. I intend to write a better email to everyone soon!

Peace to all and Love to each!

Blue Christmas, indeed...

2007-12-05T22:56:00.000-05:00

>>...Sigh...<< The amazing Karen B. of Over the Rhine!!

Joel vs. Jesus

2007-10-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

My friend Shane shared this today on his blog. I really couldn't agree more
(doesn't hurt that I'm a pretty big fan of Mars Hill and Mark Driscoll, either!)

Enjoy - and feel free to defend the --ahem-- brother in Christ...

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2007-08-31T23:13:00.000-05:00

Okay - I don't get a summer "vacation". Network Administrators barely know the meaning of the words. "Time Off". I've been away for so long but have been a busy little boy this year.

I've had a little of everything this year including family and friends poppin' out babies, visits to parks, parties, weddings, cool worship experiences, time with the fam and the coolest friends on the planet, sporting events, etc. At times I've just been on the go for weeks. All the activity has helped me get back in the groove of this little metro known as Rochester, so it's all good.

Flickr is going to be my photo gateway and I am going to start to get filled up now! I have too much "stuff" I need to get online. Maybe over the LDW I can add a few of the thousand shots sorted out and into my Flickr account. I know I need to do this. Once I go through all the old Cornerstone shots ALONE, I know I will have truckloads more to add. You should go there and check out the pics and let me know what you think. You should also check out my buddies pictures as he has some great shots I hope to at least equal before I die!

Right now it's mainly my summer adventures. Go... Seek... Find... (and realize with me what a poopy photographer I've become)...

8^)

Have a great LDW!

I do exist....

2007-07-25T22:41:00.000-05:00

I will return soon. I have had so many moments when I thought of amazing things I should write about yet I have this memory of a goldfish thing going lately so my "wonderful and insightful" thoughts and ideas usually vanish before they see the light of day.

I hope to rectify that soon...

P.S. Look out Chicago, here I come!

The party's over...

2007-05-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

My favorite gas station finally gave up the fight today.

In the midst of my Delta Sonic resurfacing their driveway, they made it loud and clear that they give up and will just not try to fight to keep their prices down anymore.

My question is, how do you measure 9/10ths of an arm or a leg...
(and who would want to)??!!

He's In The Tent

2007-05-04T21:26:00.000-05:00

I was poking around some other sites lately and came across this entry in another blog. I'm pretty sure Shawn won't mind me "borrowing" it as it is very powerful. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. This entry really helped me refocus and realize that no matter how bad I feel things may get at times, the God who loves me is always there with me, in the tent. I pray this encourages you as much as it did me...

I've always loved the sound of seals. That barking laugh just always make me think there's a party going on in Sealtown. I mean, how can you go wrong with an animal that likes to play ball? Seriously. Seal sounds conjure up happy images in my mind. Seal smells are an entirely different matter, but that's a story for another time.

That's why it didn't bother me too much when Josh's regular cough started to sound a bit like a seal. It's never good to know your kid is sick, but you know that they're going to get a cold now and then, and if you have to have a cold, why not make it a fun-sounding one? Other than the cough it didn't seem to be slowing him down too much, and it did give me a great opportunity to try and teach him to balance a beach ball on his nose. After all, he had just turned two years old, and would soon need skills like this to survive in the real world, right?

Okay, I never actually tried to balance a ball on his nose, but you have to admit it would be funny. That is, if the cough didn't seem to be getting louder and happening more often. Even though he didn't really complain, either by his actions or with the limited vocabulary he had developed at this point (every now and then I long for those days of limited vocabulary...), it got to the point where we decided to call the doctor, just to be on the safe side.

The nurse asked all of the nurse questions, then put us on hold and went to get the doctor. "Is that him I hear coughing now?" he asked. "You'd better go ahead and bring him on down to the emergency room."

Apparently seal sounds are not always jovial. Especially not when they are caused by something called the croup and are coming from your two year old. We did the normal frantic parents rushing around getting all the stuff together thing, and before too long we were at the hospital. Even then I don't think we fully realized the gravity of the situation.

A little while later and several floors higher, we began to get the picture. The nightime hospital atmosphere - fluorescent lights, nurses quietly moving around doing what nurses do, that indescribable smell of medicine and other hospitaly stuff - was already conjuring up memories of times I had been in the hospital as a patient. But seeing my boy in a hospital bed under a plastic tent really slammed it home. He was crying. This was not his house and not his bed and it was cold and it was hissing and making other weird noises and so he was going to stand up on shaky legs and bang his fist on the side of the tent and yell...

"Out! Pweeze, out!"

And my heart shattered into a million pieces and fell on the floor.

How do you explain to a scared child that this is necessary? That many years of medical science and technology are on his side, and that the medicine hissing out of the vent in this strange bed will make him not only feel better, but be better? That he hasn't done anything wrong, and that he'll be out soon? That I'm not going anywhere, and will not let anything happen to him? That someday he'll look back and know that this was necessary?

You can't explain this. Not here. Not now. And so the tears keep coming. The tiny fists keep clinching. The sobbing keeps tearing me apart.

I don't know exactly how long this lasted. It seemed like forever, but I think in reality it wasn't very long at all. Maybe a minute. Maybe less. However long it was, I didn't even think about what I had to do. Fatherly instinct took over. I can't take you out of the tent, Buddy. You need to be there. It's for your own good. You'll understand that someday. I can't take you out. But I can come in.

I remember the look on the nurse's face as I kicked off my shoes. I don't know if she was just surprised, or if she was going to try and stop me - which was not going to happen, or what it was. But I crossed the room, climbed into the bed and under the two-year-old sized tent, and took a very tired, very shaky boy into my arms. We curled up and laid down and breathed the wet air together, and soon we were both asleep. And when he woke up in a strange place in a strange tent with strange sounds and smells and sights, he knew he was okay, because Dad was in the tent, too.

I think this was the event that really got me to thinking about my relationship with God. I grew up learning about God. I could answer all kinds of questions and get a smile from the Sunday School teacher. I could tell you all about the Bible and what it says and why I believe it's true and why it's important. But I don't think I ever really got it until that night. And since then I've learned a lot more.

Let's face it, we've all been the one in a strange place where nothing seems right and we're angry and tired and sick of everything that's going on and we shake our fists and say "God, I want out of this - right now!" And God says, I see you there, and it breaks my heart to know how bad you're hurting but I just can't take you out of there. It's for your own good, and someday soon you'll look back and understand why you had to be there. I can't take you out, but there is something I can do. This is the story of our history, and the story that is woven like a scarlet thread through the pages of the Bible.

If we're really honest with ourselves, we know that we'll be there again. But next time you find yourself in that terrible situation, please take comfort in knowing that you'll be okay. You're not alone.

He's in the tent.

© 2005 by Shawn Key @

Never Forget...

2007-04-07T21:47:00.000-05:00

Please act now!

2007-03-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

His name is Eric Volz. He is a U.S. Citizen and has just been sentenced to 30 years in a Nicaraguan prison for crimes he did not commit. He was working as the publisher for El Puente Magazine in Nicaragua when he was accused, convicted, and sentenced for murder without any basis of evidence he is guilty. Please take a few minutes to watch the following video:

Click on this link for an article regarding Eric's situation.

This is a site dedicated to Eric's situation: http://www.friendsofericvolz.com/

And if you feel so inclined please contact your state's senator via The US Senate Website.

PLEASE act accordingly and request that efforts are made on Eric's behalf regarding this international injustice!

THANK YOU!!

I Am So Proud!!

2007-02-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

"Fall Out Boy's Infinity On High will debut at #1 on the Soundscan and Billboard Top 200 chart this week...Congratulations to Fall Out Boy and everyone at Island Def Jam, we have our first #1 album in 2007!"

Why am I so psyched for this? Because my friend, Chuck (who I have told for years is destined for greatness) did the cover artwork for the release and just got this news. This is so cool because Chuck is such a great guy (his fiance is pretty great, too) and he deserves this. He has a great website you should go to and buy stuff from. He's getting married and needs the money (click on the CD artwork or here to visit)!!

Way to go, "Chuckie McGriddle"!!

Jesus Loves Porn Stars

2007-02-05T20:04:00.001-05:00

XXX Church <--- (click on it)

I met these guys a couple of Cornerstone Festivals back. They are some of the most honest, intense, yet humble guys you will ever meet. Check out the interview from Nightline via the link below to see what they are doing lately. Make sure and watch the whole thing. The best part is quote at the end where they talk about what the "christians" in their little pews really need to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpUvsxSqf3M&eurl=

If you struggle with this (and way too many of us won't admit we have), talk to someone you trust, then check out their website (linked at the top). Whatever you do, never forget God loves you!

Anyone else had enough - besides me?

2007-02-01T21:36:00.000-05:00

Oil giant Exxon Mobil Corp. on Thursday posted the largest annual profit by a U.S. company -- $39.5 billion -- even as earnings for the last quarter of 2006 declined 4 percent. The 2006 profit topped Exxon Mobil's own previous record of $36.13 billion set in 2005. Revenue at the world's largest publicly traded oil company rose to $377.64 billion for the year, surpassing the record $370.68 billion Exxon posted in 2005.

... can anyone NOT be furious about this? Sheesh....

Jesus Camp anyone?

2007-01-20T18:49:00.000-05:00

Now that I am a Great Uncle once again (could I get any pictures from the Grandparents, huh? please!?) I think I am triggered by things like this.

I am really interested to see this documentary, Jesus Camp. These "Jesus Camps" actually frighten me a bit as they compare "training up a child" to radical islamic extremists (the source of ALL recent terrorist actions). It's pretty sick, actually.

Check it out for yourself... (I hope this link actually works)

Yikes!

How cool is that!?!

2007-01-09T11:08:00.001-05:00

Okay, I'm excited. Within a couple weeks time, my niece (in Detroit) has gotten engaged and my niece (In Buffalo) just had a baby boy! No details on the one niece's marriage yet (maybe in the spring of '08?) but the bouncing baby boy details are as follows (from the very proud Grandma), "It's a boy! Lucas Jeffrey Geraci, 7 lbs. 5 oz. born at 9:00 p.m. January 8, 2007 to Jeffrey and Jennifer Palmer Geraci."

I couldn't have said it any better myself!

The Drummer Boy done right!

2006-12-31T21:52:00.001-05:00

Okay - it's a YouTube link (click here) but it is one of the most amazing "renditions" of this song I have ever seen. Serious caroling skillz at work here - no doubt!

Enjoy!

(P.S. Who says church has to be boring?!)

Heaven's overflowing...

2006-11-30T09:41:00.001-05:00

Another angel made her way to heaven this week. One of my best childhood friends lost his mom, a sweet lady from my childhood went home to a better life, and one of the most tender hearts I know all left their mortal coil this week.

One quick read of Julia's obit and guestbook (click either the post title or on the "guestbook" link to view) shows the amazing spirit and courage she had within. Even though I am living 500 miles away today, I still miss her smile and laugh from the brief time I was lucky enough to spend with her.

She will be missed...

Wild Turkey Dreams

2006-11-25T20:52:00.001-05:00

Sorry I'm so slow in writing but I'm still nursing a turkey-day C₁₁H₁₂N₂O₂ (otherwise known as tryptophan) hangover. At least I'm not physically beat up like I've been after past Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl "touch" football games. I learned a few years ago that the body doesn't heal like it used to. Those days are long gone!

Uggh, here's a quick tip for you. Don't fall asleep (like I just did) while watching Discovery Channel's Mythbusters. Especially when they are dealing with rate of rotting food and flying machines. It can lead to some weird, weird dreams...

"Nothin' to worry about..."

2006-11-19T23:23:00.001-05:00

I really hate that show, "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition".

I hate it because of what it does to me. It always tugs at my heart because of the crud the featured kid, parent, or adult has to deal with. To see all that goes on during the week (yeah - I know it's built up for TV, but c'mon...) and the families reaction to all that has happened during the rebuild is amazing.

This week the family had to deal with the loss of their Dad less than six months after being diagnosed with cancer. The dad had a saying about worrying about things that was pretty cool. Plenty of things to think about - nothing to worry about. To see the town show up the way they always do is a great tribute to the human spirit and man's willingness to do what is ultimately just the right thing to do. It doesn't make the loss of a loved one any easier to handle.

I know some of those feelings as I lost a roommate less than four months after he "didn't feel right" one summer. He went to get some tests done in the fall and they found cancer all over. He was a fighter but was home in heaven before the end of the year. I only got to see him twice before he went home as he was a few hours away for treatment. Even Paul had some of the same attitude years ago because he just never worried about anything. "God'll take care of that" he used to say - made me crazy when he did, too. Yeah, I know some of those feeleings of loss because of that.

That, and the fact that one of my best childhood buddies lost his mom this week - barely four weeks after he moved to Florida to help his parents out with health problems they were having. His dad has dealt with two brain tumors to date and a massive radiation treatment for continued problems just last Monday. His Mom developed an infection that just continued downhill all last week until she gave heaven another angel this weekend.

Pain and loss? I've had my share. But I've gained so much more from those I've loved and who have loved me than I ever lost. God is good and He IS in control. He'll take care of whatever comes my way, too.

"There's lots of things to think about, but there's nothing to worry about" - Matt Koepke

Am I a whiny little cuss, or what?

2006-11-14T23:02:00.001-05:00

After reading over that last post a few times, I think I am the whiny one, not the Dems or Republicans. They both have enough poo on their plates to worry about being whiny.

I've heard from a few friends and my "depression" is worth monitoring but it may have been more a combination of missing my midwest friends, working double time to get up to speed at work, not being able to properly tell my friends and family what they mean, and most importantly the bad calzone I ate earlier in the day.

Who knows, but I'll be watching what I eat for a while...

HBTM

2006-11-10T23:02:00.001-05:00

So the Dems are "in power" (yeah, right), the Republicans are all nicey, nice now (at least they aren't all whiny - yet) and Nancy Pulosi is two heartbeats away from being the POTUS. If THAT doesn't give you pause, well...

I think I've been dealing with depression lately. I want to call people, but don't. I want to work out (sorta), but don't. Maybe I'm overwhelmed at work or am just having a lot of trouble getting used to the whole new setting, new (old) city, new (old) surroundings thing. Maybe it's because I can't find a Reunion (or an Acts29 church) to plug into out here. Maybe it's just because my Vikings are so bad they can't even score an offensive touchdown. I just haven't felt right for a while.

Too many of my Midwest friends are dealing with too much crap in their lives (Ann & Kevin and Jewel & Matt, I'm so psyched for you guys!!) and families, and ministry, and careers, and you get the idea. And I can't do anything to help. That's what probably burns my toast the worst. I can't do jack $@#% to help. I'm almost 600 miles away from the people I've spent over 18 years with so my roots are grown in kind of deep out there. I couldn't even afford to get down to NYC when a few of them were down there in October and that bummed me out for a week or two.

In fact, for the first time in over 15 years, I spent my birthday with my parents, just hanging out. For over the last ten years, I've been with my Midwest friends for my birthday and each of theirs; going out to eat, catching a movie, hanging out, etc. This week? Not even a word from most of those I was closest too. Out of sight, out of mind? Who knows...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being with my family out here and am so thankful I have been able to move back and help out where I can. My family and friends out here are amazing and have helped me through this transition in ways they will never know (except JC - he's had to put up with everything because he actually agreed to let me live with him for a while). And I was psyched to get the calls, ecards, sparkly red fish card, and my other card in the mail that I did get (you know who you are)!

I guess I just want to be motivated more ( I need to call so many people) and get off my big ole boochie butt and stop turning into a whiny politician.

Happy Birthday to me indeed...

Anyone for a boat ride?

2006-09-17T11:26:00.000-05:00

I know I've been horrible in keeping up this blog and I WILL be back soon. I just wanted to drop in and share what's gone on in my old neighborhood in Indiana this week. They got hammered pretty bad with horrendous storms. The links below show a lot of the damage.

The high school (that is now an island) is a block from my old apartment!! If I was still living in my old neighborhood in Indiana, my apartment basement could (still) be under water!! Guess it's a good thing I moved when I did...

http://nwitimes.com/extras/flood/ and http://nwitimes.com/extras/flood2/

It's not pretty out there and I have some friends who have lost a lot.
Pray for them if you get a chance - and thanks!

I shall return...

Makes me miss Oboe Jones

2006-08-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

Found Kevin Frank's website through a link in the Wittenburg Door site today. I really miss my Cornerstone Magazine! Every new issue of that oversized (and jam packed, information overloaded) 'zine was a treasure I held on to until my recent move back to NY. I would always turn to the back of the 'zine to see what was going on in Oboe's life. Kevin Frank touched me with his story and art then and I am so glad I found his site today! There was a time (WAY back in the 80's) that I would be desperate between my issues of Cornerstone magazine and True Tunes magazine (yes - that link is correct. I want my buddy JJT to get the credit he truly deserves).

There were a few others I lived for, too. Mostly fanzines but others like Syndicate (out of St. Louis, published by the greatly admired Brian Quincy Newcomb) and HM (what can I say about the amazing Dougie Van Pelt?) really were lifeblood for a guy that loved his music with edge, excellence, truth, and actual creativity!

These guys all helped mold my view of music and life (and many still do today). They helped me find and shape my dreams. They brought to my eyes, mind, and heart the truth that God DID matter and was relevant for today. Add in 17 years of volunteering at Cornerstone Festival and you would think that I would remain pretty pumped up and ready to go.

You would think...

I was listening to a teaching from my pastor at Reunion on the way to work today. He and Brent have done more recently to bring me back to life in my faith than anyone other than my pastors growing up. He was encouraging us to live our dreams, let nothing hold us back from using the creative gifts given to us, or at LEAST reflecting the creative beauty of God, our Creator.

It got to me, in a big way.

It also made me wonder whatever happened to the dreams I used to have...

Total Randomness

2006-07-11T09:10:00.001-05:00

This is a cool little animation I found today. I was researching a problem a user had (stupid M$ hidden "feature" in Outlook) and clicked through to Chris Pirillo's site. From his site I found this other site that had this animation. Quite well done. Reminds me of the ninja shockwave fight from a year or so back (wish I could find that link again to share).

Anyway, just passing through. I wanted to share the link for my buddy Kevin's new blog which has been a great read for me (since I miss he and Ann now that we've each moved 500+ miles in opposite directions).

I'm just stopping by, really. Felt lousy the last couple days (in not a good way, either). "This too shall pass" I guess. I had some serious "phantom limb" symptoms this year without Cornerstone but I hope to put up some of my favorite pics I've taken over the years at the fest in the next week or so. Hope you'll enjoy.

In honor of the best fest on the planet

2006-07-01T12:50:00.000-05:00

>sigh< Once again I find myself about 800 miles away from where I would normally be. I'll be away from Cornerstone for only the second time in 19 years again this week. Normally, I'm packing and planning and checking in with Hippy and Wally (and in the past, dozens more) to see what time the adventure begins.

The only thing I can do this year is plan for next. I hope to make a triumphant return to the fest next year. I already miss the "team" (Scott, Brian, Chris, Stormie, etc.) and can't wait to get a camera so I can get back to helping make the fest accessible to everyone worldwide.

Of course, no offense to family, but I'm changing my top friends at MySpace to the artists I really am going to miss at the fest this year. It's in whatever order they show up so don't be offended! Some are "classic can't miss" shows and some are favorites or new "buzz" bands I would be checking out if I could.

There's no way to only pick a few shows to see so if there I would also definitely be checking out Anberlin, As Cities Burn, As I Lay Dying, Becoming the Archetype, Bernard (buy this release now!), The Chariot, Chasing Victory, Cool Hand Luke, Copeland, Crimson Thorn (Hi Luke!), The Crossing, Dave Beegle (when's that new live DVD coming out??!!), David Crowder, Dead Poetic, Demon Hunter, Denison Witmer, Ester Drang, Fair (IF THEY WERE GOING TO BE THERE! - What's up with that, Aaron?), Flatfoot 56 (remember the Cedar Lake shows?), Glenn Kaiser (whenever and wherever!), Gretchen, Haste the Day, Hawk Nelson, Headnoise (Hi kids! Thanks for watching over my niece when they were at the community in Chicago!), House of Heroes...

(Phew, gotta give my fingers a break...) Jan Krist, Jeff Elbel + Ping, Jeff Johnson & Steve Lawhead, Kids in the Way, KJ-52, Leigh Nash (the amazing one - don't know if I can wait until September!), Lost Dogs, Lovedrug, Madison Greene, Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, mewithoutYou, Michael Pritzl, MUTEMATH ('nuff said), MxPx, No Innocent Victim, Norma Jean, Number One Gun, Over the Rhine, P.O.D., Pillar, Project 86 (sssshhhhhhhhh!), Reliant K, Sheltershed, Showbread, Sleeping at Last, Spoken, Starflyer 59, Underoath (stop reading and go buy their new release NOW!), The Urban Sophisticates, The Violet Burning, The Wayside, The Winston Jazz Routine, the truckloads of worship sessions, and Zao (just to name a few)!!

On top of these amazing artist are the incredible Cornerstone University, there is the Flickerings program, Imagine 'Dat, The Imaginarium, The Burning Brush... for crying out loud, if you're not there and you can afford the time and cash, JUST GO! There is too much to miss (which is why I'm bummed again that I can't make it)!!!

Enough of my babbling. I'm going ot try to keep up with my thoughts over here at my real thought palace.

Hope you stay with me here!

Consider

2006-04-14T16:35:00.001-05:00

141 years ago today, an innocent man was assasinated here because he felt all men should be free...

Nearly 2000 years ago an innocent man died here so we could all be free....

Interesting enough, when the four writers of the Gospels get to this point, they all simply wrote the words that have haunted me today, "and they crucified Him". I think they each were so overcome by what had taken place, these were the only words they had left. I have no words beyond these same words. Jesus said (and paid) it all.

"... it is finished."

Stirring the dust

2006-04-05T21:40:00.001-05:00

Sorry it has been so long since a "meaningful" post. Between the job loss, ailing parents, move to NY, job SEARCH, and the recent nasty cold (pardon me while I cough up the other lung), I haven't been on my most productive posting behavior.

Many thoughts rummage around my cranium lately but I am trying to put them in a form that is coherent and remotely insightful. I was challenged to live on the edge a lot with my former fellow travelers from Reunion. I'm still looking for that "bleeding edge" group of like minded people out here in upstate NY.

It'll happen, I know. Same as the job situation.

God is faithful...

Today I'm...

2006-03-16T15:37:00.000-05:00

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

---------------------------

82%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

------------------------

75%

Neo orthodox

--------------------

64%

Classical Liberal

---------------

50%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

--------------

46%

Reformed Evangelical

--------------

46%

Fundamentalist

--------------

46%

Modern Liberal

-------------

43%

Roman Catholic

--------

29%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Who Moved My Stuff?

2006-02-28T14:25:00.000-05:00

It's so strange to actually have my feet on terra firma for more than 24 hours. It is also very strange to wake up in a place that I know but also a place that is not my own.

Leaving NW Indiana / Chicagoland has been tough but a necessary part in the journey for now. Getting unpacked, unboxed, and settled in to the new digs with my buddy, JC, is going to seemingly take the next millennium.

I keep thinking that I need to call this person, email that person, go see these people, etc. "when I get back to Indiana" but then there is the realization that there is no place of my own to "go back to".

Moving everything you own into a 16' Budget truck rental (NEVER go with U-Haul, my friends) without coming close to filling it and then having to squeeze all of that into a 5x7x8 "pod" really puts a different slant on what I actually "own" in life.

I went to my parent's church on Sunday. It was cool to see some good things happening with a group of "Christ followers" out at SUNY Brockport. The group (Campus Ambassadors) shared about their recent visit to help Katrina victims rebuilding in the south. It made me miss my Reunion family all the more because of the amazing way God has used family there to influence people down in Biloxi and New Orleans.

More importantly, Tom's wife (from C.A.) shared a video clip from a woman that had lost everything because of Katrina. Man, I wish I could get that clip for the world to see. She knew that she belongs to God, everything she had was not hers but was given to her by God, God allowed it to be taken away (because it was never hers), and He would take care of making sure she had whatever she needed again. I have seldom heard God speak more clearly. Her comment that "if people here would stop worrying about what to do about their 'stuff' and start to be concerned about what to do about God" blew me away.

I guess my buddy, Ty is right. "...a man is not measured by the space his stuff consumes. Jesus' stuff probably would have fit in a small backpack...just keep sending your stuff into eternity and
trusting in the Eternal One...". My stuff fits in a 5x7x8 box right now. And I have more in that box than most people in the wake of Katrina...

"Sure do make a man reconsider his priorities..."

Coretta Scott King

2006-02-07T19:52:00.001-05:00

One (dis)advantage to being unemployed is I get to watch the idiot box more than most. Usually I ignore the temptation to lower my IQ. Today I caught a good chunk of Coretta Scott King's Memorial Service. And it was worth viewing. Make the time to catch the speaker's excerpts at NPR (click here) while they are up there. I was really frustrated with Fox News and their irritating running commentary of the event. CNN was a lot better at just letting the event run it's course.

I have to admit, as much as I didn't appreciate the Clinton's management of the White House while there (not that George is doing much better lately), "Billary" put a lot in the proper perspective with his comments.

Me? I'm sick of being surrounded by boxes. That, and finding out it will cost close to a grand to rent the U-Haul truck and trailer for the van really cut to the heart today. This move is getting more interesting every day...

I don't even know where to go with this

2006-01-23T16:51:00.000-05:00

>Sigh<

I doubt these thoughts go beyond the three people I know that check into this blog. I just see this storm on the horizon and felt I wanted to throw down a couple lines regarding this story. By the way, you can click on the "I don't even know" title to go to some related information about this...

I hate controversy sometimes. This will be a big one. I was interested in seeing the new "End of the Spear" movie. Not chomping at the bit mind you, just interested. I had been much more interested in seeing Lord of the Rings and the latest Harry Potter flick because I knew production values would be at a much higher standard. Narnia? Fair adaptation, fair production values, Liam Neeson didn't do it for me as Aslan. Aslan's immensity, as portrayed in C.S. Lewis's wonderful books portrays, just didn't come across at all.

Anyway, I digress. More to my actual point that "Christian" movies have a history of just being bad art. Anyone remember "A Thief in the Night" and the follow ups in the 70's? Sorry, good heart but just BAD art!

Here I am in 2006 with the same (yet more committed) ideals. The historical story surrounding the movies is an incredible one. The persistence of missionary Jim Elliot's and Nate Saints families in reaching the very tribe that brutally murdered them (and three others) is an amazing story of commitment to reaching others with the love that Jesus exampled (I think I just made that word up) for us so long ago.

Therein lies the rub. Chad Allen, who plays dual roles in the movie is an outspoken gay activist. It breaks my heart that the producers (Every Tribe Entertainment) knew about his lifestyle but chose to keep quiet until after the opening weekend box office receipts were in. That bugs me almost more than other issues.

The movie (from all reports) is not that good. The aspects of "bad art" (to me) overshadow the aspect of an openly gay activist playing the martyr (and his son) that eventually reach the Waodani tribe with the love of Christ. Jim Elliot's story is presented much better in the book and "docu-drama", "Through Gates of Splendor" a few years back. At least there was no pretense by the film makers with that film.

PLEASE let it be known how much love I have for the homosexual community. No, I don't accept the behavior and I do see it as a sin. I just don't see sin on a gradient level. I see the sin of homosexuality the same as the sins of lying, gossip, murder, gluttony, and slander. I have many friends that are involved in the homosexual lifestyle. I pray for them all to know the love and gift of life Christ provides the same way I do for other friends (and myself) that are in lifestyles and practices that miss all that God offers for those that choose to follow Him. Big or small, we ALL screw up and miss how God wants us to live.

I'm more upset with the film makers than I am with Chad Allen. Chad is an actor (St. Elsewhere, Doctor Quinn) who (I believe) was moved by this true story. My fear is that in the church's rush to judgment, we would alienate yet another one of God's created that has been shown what the love of Christ is all about yet gets hammered by the very people that say they love God.

Please God, don't let me be "that" christian...

Quick update

2006-01-20T20:32:00.000-05:00

Just so's ya know...

Dad's (second) surgery went VERY well and Dr. Ching (an amazing surgeon in my book) said it was one of the best replacement corneas and surgeries he had seen (and done). Thank you God (and anyone reading this) for all the prayers and support. Now we just have to keep dad "obedient" to the rigors of rehabilitation and healing. Now THAT is going to be a project!!

Functional

2006-01-11T19:14:00.001-05:00

Earlier today, Mom and Dad were going through electronic "things" that weren't working or being used, deciding what to throw out. They got to an old TV remote where the number one doesn't work anymore (unless you press pretty hard and Mom can't really do that).

They were pulling out the batteries from a hand held solitaire game Dad got for Christmas. The graphics are pretty small so Dad can't see them. Mom seemed to enjoy pushing the buttons that made noise.

She was taking the batteries out of the solitaire game when Dad told her not to throw it out because he might be able to see it after his surgery. He told her not to throw out the game because it was functional, not broken.

Then he said it. "I'm the one that's broken."

I was crushed. I almost cried when he said it. I had to leave the room.

As inevitable as it is to get old, it just sucks as it happens. Dad's done what he can to get by but he is broken right now. I doubt he even sees himself as functional. He’s spent his life as a photographer, skier, mountain climber, explorer, canoeist, etc. The loss of even half his sight has been devastating. For him to be on the possible verge of losing his remaining sight has to harsh.

I hope he understands his eyesight isn't what made him the man he is today. It’s been his willingness to be available to anyone who needs a hand, to help those that need help, and to go beyond what's needed that has created the character he carries today. He has been willing to be used by God to help those around him.

I hope he understands too, the surgery tomorrow could fix what's physically "broken". Unless he lets the healer do the work needed, nothing can get "fixed".

With this healer tomorrow, there is also no guarantee of success. They are hopeful, and very positive, but there is no guarantee. Without the surgery, he will go blind. With the surgery, there is a great chance of recovery and regaining the sight in at least one eye.

It will be devastating for him if he loses his eyesight. He's had an amazing life based on what he could see. I just don't want him to see himself as just "functional". He still has so much to offer, it’s just a matter of rearranging how he contributes.

We're all pretty functional in a lot of ways. Nowhere near what we once were, nowhere near what we should be. Functional. We get by. We do what we can. But we're not living up to our designed potential.

Not until we're willing to let the Ultimate Healer do the surgery that needs to be done do we have hope of being what we truly were created to become. Even with the problems and scars that remain from our being "functional", the needed surgery is a far better thing than thinking and relegating ourselves to just being "functional".

It reminds me we're all functional but we need to be broken in order to be repaired, given new life, put back together, made complete. I need to be broken a lot more than I am. Sure I'm functional; I can get by, most my parts work. It’s just not until I am really broken internally and willing to be dependant on God to repair me that I have any hope of being whole again.

This one's for you, Dad. You may never read it, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and Mom as we all deal with this surgery tomorrow. Even through your "brokenness", you help me realize what I really need to be whole. I love you.

OOZE - ings

2005-12-28T13:16:00.001-05:00

Sometimes these guys can be my lifeline to sanity...

Just another "wiseguy"

2005-12-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

So here I sit, somewhere between Cleveland, Ohio and Erie, Pennsylvania, a couple days before Christmas 2005. It is Wednesday, isn't it? I have a tendency to lose track of what day of the week it is lately.

Today, I'm on my way to NY to spend the holidays with family and friends out there. Dad has a pretty big surgery early in January and I'm trying to figure out how and when I'd be making my way back to Indiana. If things don't change within the first week or two of January, I think it will be time to officially make my move back to New York to pursue the next steps in the career path.

Through this whole thing my faith and journey in that faith has been my constant. My journey to find Christ and grow in a walk with Him has been my companion. I am completely non-politically correct in my wishing people a Merry Christmas and I don't really care. This season is the built around the birth of the One that brought hope to a pretty decimated planet.

What astounds me is that the wise men that came looking for Christ came to hunt for Him at all. Some scholars say the "magi" were probably from modern day Iraq and were "students of astrology, astronomy, assorted religions, spells, incantations, dream interpretations, fortune telling, some dabbling in the occult, and had a habit of dressed in an odd fashion". The Latin word "magi" is where we get our term "magician" so think along the lines of Merlin, Gandalf, and Albus Dumbledore for a reality check on who they might have been like.

What's also amazing is that the Old Testament really shows that God wasn't a big fan of what these magi were into. They really were pagans when it comes right down to it. The only thing we really know is that they said they were on a pilgrimage to worship this newborn king. They basically wander around, get lost, actually have to stop and ask directions (from the one guy that REALLY wants Christ dead), and show up a year or so after all the hoopla is over to bring their gifts and to worship Jesus. They even have to sneak back home a different way so they don't get caught by the current king on the throne.

Why would these pagans go to all this trouble to do what even the current religious leaders wouldn't do? Somehow they saw beyond the present and into the future and out of faith, they sought Jesus out to worship him. Worship is defined here as "to kiss toward" and "to intensely adore". There is nothing to suggest they were following their modern day religious practices. They actually made a huge effort to go out of their way to find the unknown and worship Him.

It's cool to note that God met them where they were and drew them to Him. No matter where they were or what they were involved in, God made Himself known to them and drew them in such a way to Him that they would risk all the time, effort, and danger to simply come and worship Christ. They were compelled to find the child and worship the new king. They were willing to give up what and where they were in order to worship the new Messiah and become something new.

It brings to light how little I put into my search not only for the Christ child, but the God that loves me enough to let the one Son He has come to this mudball to offer new life and a change in where and what I can be. It is pretty interesting too, that the first question in the first half of the Bible is from God, asking, "Where is Adam?". The first question in the second half of the Bible is from the magi asking, "Where is God?".

Maybe with all this potential change, I am on my journey to becoming a better follower. Sure I stumble, I fall, and my gifts are less than perfect, but God accepts me for where I am and how I am and allows me to grow if I am willing to keep following Him.

The motel room is fairly quiet now, maybe it's time I go find that Gideon's Bible in the drawer; just to reacquaint me with my fellow journeymen again.

Socks

2005-12-20T20:46:00.000-05:00

PLEASE go here and read my friend Chuck's entry for December 19th. Just look for the story on Billy. Even though I have heard him share this before, reading it again put everything in the right perspective, especially with Christmas this weekend and me without a job.

You said you'd come, and you did ... (thank you Jesus)

Maddening little rats that they are...

2005-12-19T17:11:00.000-05:00

This is from my friend (the "other" Brian) out in Colorado. I'll let it speak for itself.
(If the above link won't work, copy and paste what lies below into your browser)

http://flabbyironman.blogspot.com/2005/12/picture-share_13.html

It's so quiet ...

2005-12-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

I can't hear a thing outside. The snow makes it so quiet that everything is hushed in the world when it falls. We ended up with 4 or 5" of new stuff last night. It's not bad but it's not the "real" snow of Western New York. Not even close to the New England snows of coastal Maine where (as Mom puts it) the snow is measured by the foot, not the inch.

I used to love waking up and just staring out the windows at the new snow where I grew up. The imagery of the new mounds of snow on the branches in the woods would mesmerize me for quite a while. Just imagining the thick brush of the Artist that had painted the earth the night before fascinated me.

The silence was almost deafening at times. Even growing up and making snow caves in the drifts was amazing once you got inside (I know, the PC world that exists today says that's a no-no so kids, don't try this at home). All you could hear was your breathing and heartbeat. Absolute silence - absolute isolation. Even after the snow, the few vehicles on the road would be silenced because of the new road surface.

Right now I've got my cup of coffee, the sounds of snowplows and shovels, and my recent set of job rejection letters to keep me warm. Yeah, the Universities and school districts in Chicago and NY and the NY Court system have all said "no thanks". Bummer? Yeah, but it's all about the journey. I have a faith that I'll end up where I should be and I just have trouble with the aspect of patience because it means I'm not the one in control.

There are still two Universities in NY that I am interviewing with. Does that mean I end up in NY? Does that mean it's time I pack it in for the midwest? It's looking that way and that makes me sad. If a position happens with one of the universities out in NY, it would be almost 19 years to the day that I would have been here.

Nineteen years is a lifetime ago when I came out for Jon and Val's wedding (where are you now, old friend?). Seventeen years working and volunteering with my beloved Cornerstone Festival. A lifetime (it seems) of coffeehouses, concert promotions, radio work, etc. A truckload of churches and friends in those churches. A truckload of jobs(!) and a truckload of friends in those jobs, too.

I'm just hoping that it's also a lifetime of growth, and change, that helped me be a better journeyman and representative of who and what I believe in. I'm glad I have this new snow to remind me Who's holding the brush.

I wonder what the finishing touches will go on my canvas?

WAY too much time on their hands... but VERY cool!

2005-12-01T21:37:00.000-05:00

Check this out!
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2684186
I would love to do this sometime...

P.S. Absolutely no word on the job front. Kind of depressing but I'm hanging on to God, family, and friends..

I really do like roller coasters, honest!

2005-11-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

I remember, as a kid, scrambling to get off the roller coasters (even that psychotic Jackrabbit @ Seabreeze Park) just so I could fly back to the end of the line and ride it again. I would consider myself a "purist" as I always went for the wooden coasters. They made much more noise, threw you around more, and seemed to be closer to the verge of collapse (which would terrify me today).

Age (and wisdom) have overcome this urge to ride The Jackrabbit or The Comet (I miss Crystal Beach) for an extended period of time but it still makes me wonder what it was that caused me to almost have an unhealthy addiction to these monstrosities and the danger and thrill they represented to me.

This I share as I am on another figurative roller coaster ride with the advent of unemployment and the hideous aspects of the job search (which I now would never wish on the vilest of enemies). Back and forth to NY for "potential" interviews, 40 or 50 applications online, in person, via email, etc., only to have many of them die on the vine or not be something where I could make a living.

I did have an interview back out in NY today that went well. Some of you reading this (and many that don't) said a number of prayers for me, and I knew it! I could really tell. In fact, while I was typing this, I received a phone call from the company asking me to come in for a second interview this Friday (please, keep praying).

This could be a decent position, it would involve a huge move (and no doubt a fight with my landlord) and change in a number of areas of my life but I am strapped into the coaster as each application, resume submission, and potential interview is another trip to the end of the line to get on the coaster again.

I can't help but think, there is no doubt about my ultimate destination, maybe it's the excitement of the ride that used to bring me back in line. Maybe that's how I'm supposed to be approaching this in the first place.

In that case, I'd better strap in again. Save you a place at the end of the line?

You're kidding, right?

2005-11-11T20:46:00.000-05:00

So the wonderful government I have given truckloads of my taxes to since I was working at the age of 14 can now only afford to provide barely 40% of what I was making before the school district outsourced our department? I repeat, you're kidding, right? Pretty cruel joke, actually.

Please God, this is fast becoming a non-laughing matter...

I Walked Away...

2005-11-01T13:40:00.000-05:00

I saw the hit, turned and told the Viking faithful next to me, "It's over.", and walked out of Bathtub Billy's during the first quarter on Sunday. I don't even know if I can watch this meltdown the rest of the year...

"Culpepper, a three-time Pro Bowl pick whose effectiveness had fallen off dramatically this year due to several factors, tore his anterior cruciate, medial collateral and posterior cruciate ligaments in Sunday's 38-13 loss at Carolina."

One of the above is bad enough, all three and you'll be lucky to walk correctly again. Yes, I am serious. I've seen it, spent time studying it in college and as a career, and my only bright spot is that I know Dante is a warrior who won't settle for "can't".

My prayers are with you, Big D.

Are you kidding me?!

2005-10-24T08:55:00.000-05:00

A 56 yard FG with 2 seconds on the clock? And Paul "I could NEVER do that in Chicago" Edinger pulls it off with room to spare! God bless the dome. Yes, my friends, God bless that dome...

Yes... No... Maybe so...

2005-10-22T14:17:00.000-05:00

Sigh... What a festive week it was... Right now I'd like to be with a bunch of Reunion family and friends in the middle of a chili cook-off. This New York weather is just lousy. I'll just blame it on Wilma.

So I don't hear from the Chicago job I wrote about by the Friday deadline. I travel to New York to help out my parents for a week and check into some VERY good leads on positions. My gut was just a mess for the whole time I've been considering the Chicago position anyway (would chili be a good idea at this point?!?). I actually made the trip to NY in ten hours with only a half hour stop - in one day - by myself.

Not bad at all and I actually felt pretty good in knowing that the position didn't happen for me. Until I checked my voice mail on Friday night. There it was, the phone call that had been left long after I left to drive to NY saying that the company told the subcontractor they wanted me.

I had to turn it down. Even as I was listening to the voice mail, my stomach was knotting up again. That just confirmed for me that it wasn't the right position. If the money isn't right, the hours aren't right, the location isn't right, your body is rebelling, you still have options, you're still getting a little severance pay, unemployment is available, and you still have health benefits, I agree with my sister when she says there's no emergency calling for me to take the position.

Of course, everyone I told I wasn't getting the position now gets that info reversed but only to tell them I didn't end up taking it after all.

It's weird, I do have a lot of skills that will fit into a number of areas but I need to find out what I love doing and head for that full tilt. Rob Bell shares the following advice he was given in his latest book (Velvet Elvis), "Your job is to relentlessly pursue the person that God designed you to be". I think I have that right - I'll check. It's true though, God has designed me with skills and abilities and personality traits and I need to hunger for what He wants me to be above all else. I'm pretty sure the right job will come along in the midst of that journey.

What Rob Bell shares in cooperation with that thought is tougher. He follows the above with, "Everything else is a sin and needs to be gotten rid of immediately". Okay, now THAT is harsh! Everything? Really? That part of it is tough to swallow but the more I have thought about it, it really does make sense. It's just going to be really tough.

But who made the guarantee that life, and this journey of reckless abandonment was going to be easy?

...but I've got a rope

2005-10-16T18:37:00.000-05:00

I've lived through it (the interview). Thank you Sharee for the "tour" as it helped ease the tension (for those that don't know, Sharee is the CFO @ the company I interviewed with who I would sub-contract under). Now it looks like it comes down to whether or not it might work financially w/ the sub-contractor. SD.I has one other candidate to interview next week but I should know the decision by next Friday. I need to let the subcontractor know what salary range I can work with so she's prepared. Big question is do I want to do this for the next 5 years of my life? Is this where God wants me to be?

Monday is "follow up" day with all the jobs I already have in the works. Last night I was all fired up to get to NY and just plain start new. Today I'm too concerned about the little things again. Sheesh - either I'm bipolar or I had better have more than just coffee and mocha all day long (real food would be a good idea at least once during the day).

Out on a limb

2005-10-14T22:43:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this half as a prayer and half as record for me to remember…

I'm sitting in a Starbucks @ La Salle & whatever is one up from Randolph in downtown Chicago. Trying to get the jitters out while waiting for my 4pm interview for a new job. Just writing is taking some of the edge off but dear God I’m still terrified. I vacillate between utter (& amazing) calm & incredible uneasiness and fret.

God, I know you've got my back (& front & everything else) but why am I so frightened? Do I not trust my skills or abilities? Do I not trust You? Do I not really want to be here? Am I afraid that this is where You'll "put" me?

Maybe that’s it. In my heart of hearts I think I really want to be in NY, w/ family, working to be the best PC and network guy I can while still working w/ kids. Like Steve said, "I have to decide if I REALLY want to come back to NY".

Please God, slow my heart & mind-& help me just to be me. Thank you for loving me no matter what.

I just wish the center of Your will wasn't such a dangerous place to be.

You think you've got it bad?

2005-10-06T12:43:00.000-05:00

Wow! "Chuckie McGriddle" has done an incredible job of capturing the devastation of the Biloxi area. A group from Reunion just returned from helping down there last week. Some of them are returning to New Orleans this week. Please pray for them as they head down and encounter some absolutely horrible conditions. Please pray that they can be Jesus to so many of these people, too.

Me? I'll be back with you soon...

(And if you need to know about the "Chuckie McGriddle" thing, ask me...)

More devastation

2005-09-29T13:11:00.000-05:00

By the way, here's a couple links to some of the devastation where the group from Reunion is. These are more for us that are up here in the Chicago area - they already know how bad it is... Before and After in Biloxi and Webshot user slideshow (Sure hope the webshots user (dawndubose) won't mind...)

Biloxi Blues

2005-09-29T13:08:00.000-05:00

Yes - I have been away. Yes, a truckload of "poo" has gone down since I last posted. Yes, I will share details. But first, please go here and donate whatever you can to the victims of the hurricanes. Then, head over to www.xanga.com/njboss to see some of the happenings of a group from Reunion that went to Biloxi, Mississippi to help in whatever ways they can. I'll be back shortly... honest...

A.N.F.S.C.D.

2005-07-16T18:14:00.000-05:00

A.K.A., "and now for something completely different..." (and I'd rather not talk about AKA - it's a sore subject)

I don't know if it's the brain freeze I'm suffering from my Panera Bread I.C. Mocha (must ... type ... keys ... to ... keep ... blood ... moving) or this incessant inundation of CISCO Academy material I have to cram into my brain but none the less, I am overflowing with questions from the tech side of my brain right now.

Questions like, Sprint or Nextel, or neither until they get the merger worked in 2006 and decide who's "chirp" technology they will use? Or, what's that nasty spyware/spam/adware bug my big brother couldn't get out of our little sister's computer? How bad is it if even he couldn't get it off the PC? Was the System Restore off? What hive in the registry is it hiding in? Will I be able to find it next weekend when I'm there? Should I use AdAware, Spybot, SpyCatcher, SpywareBlaster, CCleaner, HijackThis, or some or all of the above?

Or, why can't I find the mirror server task in our ePO server that will allow me to change the update preferences for the SDAT downloads so it will pull from NAIftp first instead of NAIhttp (which is causing quite the corrupt file error every day that it goes out to pull the update)? Or even, why do I have to manually pull the SDAT (and which one) to our server everyday and will the "death" of VS 4.5.1 at the end of the month make it so I have to figure out how to make two SDATs distribute into our enterprise?

And what about all those bad capacitors in the over 350 PCs at work that have, are , or are about to fail, go "Jiffy-Pop" on me, leak, or something worse. Will Intel actually admit the problem with their mobo's like other manufacturers and replace them (meaning Gateway comes onsite to replace all of ours)? Oh the madness!!!!

What about, how will I ever get all the certification tests done for CISCO by July 30th when I'll be in NY and I STILL can't figure out subnetting? And the gnawing question of trying to decipher classless routing and VLSMs when I can't even remember the login command to a router?

Then there's the big one, how much damage happened to my little iPAQ when it did the 360 degree "slam on a string" (ask me if you want details) from the laptop an hour ago? It appears to be working, lights are blinking and it doesn't seem that it's a "lights on but nobody's home" situation. Fer cryin' out loud, it's my only source of active brain cells lately and I'd need radical brain surgery to try and implant the SD memory card from it in my head to keep me going!

As you can see, there are too many nagging questions in my head and work is consuming me once again. That's why I needed my Panera break (and the latest episode of Douglas Tennapel's new creation, "Catscratch" on Nick - it's the mindless fun I need and remember from Saturday mornings long ago...) sigh...

Anyway, I just needed to break from the crushing question of my doomed career in network technology and support. Don't know where THAT's going lately, anyway. Is there a limit to how many times one can change career direction in any single lifetime?

I think I need to go stand in the sun for a while. Yeah, it's hot but my brain is just plain numb right now. By the way, that I.C. Mocha sure looks pretty in the glass when you move that drinking tube thingee around...

London Calling

2005-07-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

When Dick Reid (the American Airlines Shoe Bomber - how soon we forget) was taken from the American Airlines jet in custody, he asked State Trooper Santiago where the press and where the TV crews were, and the trooper stated, "You're no big deal." The London bombings ARE a big deal.

But make no mistake about it, these gutless terrorists are only after one thing, personal glory and attention. More virgins waiting for them in their sick and twisted heaven. If I don't stop now, I'll say things that will irritate, aggravate, and I will likely regret.

Freedom is never free. Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice so that ALL people could be free of the crap that ruins our failed lives. I am not a liberal nor conservative in either my politics or faith. I was as lost as any terrorist. What I am now is a follower of Jesus Christ, who came to this mudball to personally pick my sorry carcass up out of the gutter. Anything I am beyond that has to be imbued with that revolutionary Spirit of what He has offered to do in my life and my response to it.

This battle is not about Iraq, Clinton, or Bush. It started LONG before any of us were born. The western world represents a freedom that terrorists hate. Those who are out to kill that freedom (corporately or personally) are doomed to live forever in their own failure.

Please stop today and pray for those lost in London and throughout the world. Pray for those in the path of oncoming hurricanes. Pray for your neighbors and friends. Pray for those trying to live free around the world and those protecting them. Pray for your enemies and be Christ to them.

and may God have mercy on us all...

Just had to share

2005-07-02T11:38:00.000-05:00

My buddy Brian has his own Cornerstone blog going at:
http://flabbyironman.blogspot.com/
He has some great stories and pictures from the fest.
Go check it out!

Did you see that?!?

2005-07-01T22:15:00.000-05:00

Oh My Goth! (yes, a tribute to a tent city at Cornerstone this year)

I hope everyone RIGHT NOW at the fest is able to see and fall in love with the sunset that's happening. Quick, look over the hill toward the lake - no, not toward Main Stage! Look quick because God is only showing off for the next five minutes or so.

Sigh... who can say there is no God?

Almost like being home...

2005-07-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

Wow! I sat through near record heat, sat in standstill traffic for nearly an hour, ran for cover from the absolute downpours; and I'm not even at the festival! Cornerstone Festival that is. Usually at this time of year, I would have been on the grounds of the most amazing music and arts there is on the planet! (you still have time to get there, it goes through Sunday night! - stop reading - go now!!)

Of course I'm biased. I've lived for the Fourth of July weekend for over 17 years because it meant one thing. I was going to "the fest". Anyone from the midwest especially knows it as "the fest". Most people I know that are both creative, culturally relevant, and are into the arts and music know that Cornerstone Festival doesn't need to be described, it needs to be experienced.

Oppressive heat, incredible downpours, sulfur tinged water (I give major props to my family at JPUSA for slowly bringing the water at the fest to a lot more drinkable state), no sleep at night (I turned my AC off out of reverence for these at the fest - just so I could almost feel like I was there), noise, bugs, and motion. Lots of motion.

Even in the middle of the night, there is always motion (or commotion) around the grounds. Sleep is not a given, nor a requirement, let alone a possibility, at the fest. But all these things are reasons and factors that make "the fest" experience one that you never forget.

I've met so many of my lifelong friends through involvement at the fest. From the JPUSA family that I volunteered with in the early years, to the NACRR (in it's every inception) family (the renegades who work so hard to bring the highest caliber of rockin' and progressive music with a spiritual message to the radio every day), to my latest part of the family, the Cornerstone Web Team (check out their part of the fest site for truckloads of pictures and video on demand).

With the hard work and commitment of this team, this year there is wifi coverage over much of the festival grounds. There is also a vendor that has an internet cafe at the back of the coffeehouse tent! And The Zany Aguirres are actually doing daily podcasts from the fest! No more pizza delivery guy / satellite installer with "Captain Poopy Pants"! (Sorry, that is an inside joke to my beloved web team and the G1 media guys)...

I'm actually listening to one of the first podcasts from the fest and can imagine the scenario. To hear the sounds of the people, the "putter" of the golf carts, and just the sound of all the "commotion" is enough to almost make up for not being there this year.

Almost.

Lost Dogs found

2005-07-01T12:32:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week here in the darkwoods but tonight I had a tiny chance to get away from northwest Indiana and see some of my favorite artists, The Lost Dogs. Another big fan of the boys (in all of their inceptions - Daniel Amos, da, The Choir, 77's, etc.) managed to snag the boys for a pre-Cornerstone show in their little fellowship hall of their church. Rein Bontreger of Reinforcements Design managed to get them to his church, Fellowship of Living Hope, in Rensselaer, Indiana.

I went with my buddy, Hippy, his wife, and their son, Levi. WallyOWally would have made it but he backed out because of something called "worship practice". Wuss...

I had read on the LostDogs list a couple days before about Mike not doing well physically. I read the details about the problem but it has to do with a lung infection and I know it's been tough for him on this tour. Stop and say a prayer for Doctor Love if you will. I know it's appreciated.

Anyway, the show was at this small little church in Rensselaer that might hold a couple hundred if you're lucky. We had about 100 people (maybe) and the show was one of the best I have ever seen from the boys. With Mike, Terry, and Derri up front, and Steve anchoring the madness from behind, this was just the Dogs at their finest. Sonically and vocally solid, this "warmup" for their show tonight was outstanding and their show at Cornerstone should be amazing.

The jokes were bad (but hilarious), ballpeen hammers, welding masks, rapture practice, and "where is your Messiah NOW?" (Johnny B. fans take notice) all had their place in the show. There was a wonderful mix of classic and current tunes. Skinny never ceases to amaze me with the creative percussion he pulls out from anything near him, including the very box he sat on!

It was a wonderful night of music and time to reacquainted with old fans and make new ones. We even had a wonderful time of prayer for Mike. He seemed to feel better after the break as the Dogs ripped into a couple numbers with outstanding energy (again, and humor). The Dogs came out for two "encores" at the end. The beautiful "Rescue Me" from the Choir's new release, and the blessing of "Joel" from Mr. Buechner's Dream, delivered by Terry brought me to tears.

After reading that Jeffrey K. from lo-fidelity is hoping to turn the Wisconsin show from the day or so before our show into a DVD, I am even more excited to see how that turns out.

Even though I don't get to the fest this year, I had one of my highlights with this show. If you are looking for a show, drive to the fest NOW and run to the Gallery Tent on Friday night to catch the Dogs.

You won't regret it...

2005-06-27T23:50:00.000-05:00

An open letter to my family at Cornerstone Festival '05

-------------------------------------------------------

For so many reasons beyond my control, this is the first year in eighteen years that I will be unable to get to the festival. Wow! I am still dealing with the reality of that statement. Yes, that IS longer than the majority of the festival-ites have been alive. I've said it out loud (at least through my fingertips) and am slowly coming to grips with it. It's hard, unbelievably hard, to realize I can't get to the one place on the planet that is my yearly sabbatical and source of sanity. I've been praying for a miracle but God seemingly has other things for me to learn this year.

I've volunteered for the fest (I don't think anyone can ever emphasize how important volunteers really are to the fest) in one way or another every year, in every way imaginable. From trash pickup, to manning vendor and artist booths, to security in the old metal barns at Greyslake (Hi Ed), to (most recently) working with some absolutely amazing (Hi Scott) family as we worked to bring some outstanding web coverage to others in situations just like mine this year. Yes, the fest is a true celebration of God's family at it's best in diversity.

Sorry, got choked up for a minute. It's just tough to realize that I'm going to miss some of the best friends I've made and grown close to over the years. Many of you are in Bushnell, Illinois right now, with thousands more pouring in on Wednesday and through the weekend. From everything I've seen, Wednesday is supposed to be close to 100 degrees. That kind of heat helps emanate nothing but the best of fragrances from the fest grounds itself!

God's done some amazing things over the years at the fest. The fact that it even comes together every year alone is a miracle of God, His grace, and His mercy. I've seen God move major storms completely out of the path of Bushnell. I've watched them on the weather radar, literally turning completely away from the grounds. I've known that the storms were moving away because of the prayers of dedicated family in the back of the Fest trailer (helped along by the wary campers cowering in their tents). We've lived through terrifying storms and micro bursts that have brought the Exhibition Tent crashing down - with no injuries except to some merchandise and product. We've lived through downpours and droughts, dust bowls and deluges, mud angels and mud slides, power failures and satellite breakdowns.

But the weather isn't what it's all about. The fest has always been about family. The amazing family at JPUSA (yet another Island of Misfit Toys like my beloved church family) manages to put this all together and never lose sight of the real reason for the fest. Henry, John H., JJT, sheesh, there isn't enough space in a dictionary to list all the people that make this amazing city rise up and run every year. Suffice it to say God knows and loves each one of them and has a special place of rest for them all when we finally leave the Darkwoods and go home.

I know I'm rambling so maybe I'll just add to this here on the blog over the next few days. I just can't help but think of the amazing things that the fest has given us over the years. From a few of us watching young artists like P.O.D. go from blowing the flaps off the New Band Tent to blowing us all away from Main Stage in only a few, short, years. New Artists, Fringe Artists, "Maturing" Artists (I really am going to miss the Dogs this year). Surprising discoveries in music (Fourth Estate) and writing (Donald Miller) that have been "cornerstones" in my life, growth, and friendships for a number of years now.

Late night walks around the grounds past the myriad of campsites linger in my mind to this day. New family getting to know each other, old family members getting reacquainted once again. Walking by the amazing Prayer Tent where I've seen God become so real to people for the first time, or the rediscovery of the reality of God in many lives.

But that brings me back to the beginning, and the prayers. People talk to God at the fest. Whether it be a simple "help, I'm lost" or an all out prayer for protection while scrambling for their van to run away to Macomb (right, JJT?), people talk to God. I think that is one of the many reasons that God keeps the fest going from year to year. Mud, dust, heat, drought, exhaustion, noise, and no sleep. These are all integral components of each and every fest. But I think that God brings His family together every year, from all parts of the globe, just to remind us what waits for us one day. And to remind us to keep talking to, and loving each other, and Him.

Even though I can't be there this year, I know I can continue to pray for everyone that is. And that alone will remind me the distance I may be feeling, being apart from my festival family, is only in mileage, not in the matters of the heart.

You may now exit the ride...

2005-06-08T23:00:00.001-05:00

“And you may ask yourself - How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself - Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself - This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself - This is not my beautiful wife!
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...”

Sure, I had big plans if the Chief Information Officer position came through in the school district. Of course I was ready to move back to New York to be near a lot of family (even have a wedding to go to out there in September). But… as David Byrne so eloquently states in the classic “Once In A Lifetime” (man, I loved Stop Making Sense), nothing has changed and I’m going nowhere fast…

I heard today about the CIO job and it was exactly as suspected, HR had one in the hip pocket and pulled them out for the position. Once again, after talking to the HR Director it was, “You were a great interview and really showed how deep your knowledge is. I would hate to lose you now that I know how strong your skills and knowledge really is.” Same things I heard in my last advenuture in NY.

That leaves me 0 for 2… I’m just glad God keeps giving me another chance at the plate. When it will be, who knows? What it will be, who knows? The last two interviewers told me I would be a great asset to have on staff but (as one of my friends said) if I’m such an asset, why not just give me the position?

It’s bewildering, and confusing, but I just have to keep remembering that God’s keeping an eye on things from above the tapestry while the rest of us are stuck down here below looking at all the knots and tie-offs and mistakes that get made. God = finished product, me = in process.

I know that I’ve really been put to the test in all this (physically, financially, mentally, spiritually, and any other “ally” you can imagine) so I’m hoping I stayed true to my beliefs and the journey with God I continue to try and travel.

My pastor had a recent adventure while returning from a trip out east. It was a return trip worthy of “one of Dante’s levels of hell” as he put it. There are a lot of “why’s?” and “what for’s?” that can be asked in all of this. I think he summed it up for me in one of his recent devotionals:

Sometimes the answer isn't found in big, richly profound, well-worded, once in a lifetime, incredibly God- saturated moments. Sometimes the answer to why we are here is hard to find in the waiting. Sometimes the answer to why are we here is well, for today anyway, just because, and trying to find joy and thanks and simple pleasure in that.

If anything, I’ve learned what an amazing family and groups of friends I have. Here, in NY, and around the world. So many people wrote to say they were praying for me and supporting me through this whole thing. My situation these last couple weeks is nothing compared to so many people I know that are dealing with MUCH bigger issues in their personal lives. I hope they know how much I'm praying for them and how much they mean to me. Many times I felt embarrassed even asking for some thoughts and prayers, knowing their trials are so much more important than mine.

Suffice it to say I’m still in the hunt and will take my place back in the line for the next run of the roller coaster. I know it can’t be all bad.

After all, the ride operator’s a good Friend of mine…

Column A or Column B?

2005-04-29T01:20:00.000-05:00

My nephew had this on his blog. (He rocks, by the way).
I stole the first paragraph below (politely) and decided to add my thoughts:

" Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins. "

---------(Spazzmo Says)---------

Pretty sterile definition of "Christianity". Unfortunately, that's exactly how most of the world sees it; sterile, rigid, unforgiving.

It's too bad we "Christians" (screw it, anytime I say "we", I mean me) can't live what Christ truly taught. The whole idea of truly being a follower of Christ involves falling incredibly in love with someone who has given His all for each of us. His love for us and our love for Him in return should absolutely drive our every action and decision. It has to become our motivation for everything we ever say or do.

Until we fall head over heals in love with God and this incredible adventure He has given to each of us, are we "Christians" really living as "Christians"?

C.S.Lewis has this cool bit in either "Surprised by Joy" or "Mere Christianity" where you only really have three options. In comes down to what you are going to do with the factual, historical, Jesus? He was either a liar, lunatic, or is in fact, the Lord, God... (harsh)

Either (1) Jesus was a liar and everything He said and taught was straight from the pits of hell. If so, why would so many thousands of people follow everything He taught? And why would his early followers die such insanely hideous deaths because of their belief in Christ and what He taught?

Or (2) Jesus was a raving lunatic and didn't have a clue to any bit of reality; running around saying He was from heaven and the Son of God, etc. But what do you do with all the recorded miracles and (again) all the followers of His, willing to be tortured for following this "raving lunatic"?

Or (3) Jesus Christ is exactly who He said He is and His words, life, and reality are something that really needs to be dealt with.

If you realize and accept that the third choice is the only logical choice, it will change everything in your life. From how do I love my extremely loud and obnoxious neighbor and the dirtbag that cuts me off on the highway to how do I love the ones that want to end that "inconvenient" pregnancy or the friend or co-worker that comes out to you but is scared to death about what their family will do. It will change everything...

Unfortunately, God remains but a sterile definition to most people and we never see Him as this amazing, loving, Father God that is so jealous because we all run everywhere else except to Him, when all He wants is to be "Daddy" to all his kids.

I guess Alice Cooper's got it right, "Drinking beer is easy, and trashing your hotel room is easy. But, being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's real rebellion."

>ouch<

The pain never really leaves

2005-04-20T22:28:00.004-05:00

It was just over ten years ago at this time that millions of lives were utterly ravaged and destroyed in Rwanda. I've just seen Hotel Rwanda again and it utterly blew me away.

I've sponsored a bunch of kids through relief organizations for years. Kids from Nigeria, Rwanda, India, all over. One of my little guys was Ernest Bariwanda from Rwanda. He was murdered savagely in the uprising of the early 90's. The UN AND the US government leaders (thank you, Bill Clinton) will face God with a lot of blood on their hands for that one.

I still remember the day I got the letter from Compassion International that told me Ernie had been killed.

I don't think I'll ever fully recover... and I pray to God I never do.